Are you a grandparent? Wonderful!
Then you are ready to answer the following question: Why are you important to your grandchild? Think a moment and then read on to discover more reasons to feel good.
First of all, you have the ability to give your grandchild unconditional love. There is a special connection between the generations based on this love.
Parents surely love their children. But they also have other roles to play, e.g. teacher, disciplinarian, and chauffeur, just to name a few.
You do not have these numerous pressures. Unless you are babysitting, you dont have to tell the children when to go to sleep, pick up their clothes or brush their teeth. Your relationship has the potential to be one of pure pleasure, not one contaminated by anxiety or frustration.
Second, you are the link to the past. You pass on history, traditions, and values. Everything that you do stays with the child and becomes a remembrance that can be passed on further. As Kathy Peel states in her book (Family for Life, NY: McGraw-Hill, 2003, p.220), What we leave in our children is far more important than what we leave to them (my emphasis).
Third, you have the capability of being a true friend and confidant; someone who will listen without feeling the need to lecture, someone to share the childs joys and frustrations. Your presence is all that is needed to ease the load of growing up.
The more you listen, the more you give.
But what if you hear something that concerns you, or that you dont approve of? Are you free to express your opinion? Yes, because just like you would want your friend to be honest, so does your grandchild expect you to be straightforward and truthful. However, as a loving friend, when you do share your opinion, you can do so in the context of that love. Thus you might question the behavior, but not the self-worth of the child.
Fourth, if youre fortunate enough to be retired from work, then you also have the special privilege of having the time to listen, which many parents dont.
When you give your grandchildren time, youve given them the greatest treasure in the world. It is irreplaceable. Youve given them pieces of yourself that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.
To be a grandparent, you dont have to be wealthy. You dont need to give presents. You just need to give attention and love.
Lastly, you are the glue that holds the family together. By means of your relationship with each member of the extended family, you inform all of them that they are part of a supportive and loving family network.
Now do you know why you are so important?
Dr. Mona Spiegel is a psychologist with a doctorate in psychology from Columbia University. She has worked for many years as a diagnostician and therapist in Rockland County, NY. In addition, she founded My Family Coach to provide professional coaching on the telephone for women who want guidance but do not need therapy. She focuses on parenting issues, relationship and communication skills for single and married women, and law of successful transitions through life. She publishes the MFC Newsletter, a free e-newsletter to subscribers. For more information, check out her website at http://www.myfamilycoach.com
Don Miguel Ruiz
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