The Truth About Jealousy

This article will not take up too much of your time, but will be very helpful in your daily life. What you are going to read is important in regards to the very controlling and confusing issue that so many women are challenged with every day, for some every single minute of their day. In this particular part of the jealousy series, you will learn what jealousy feels like and just how serious and captivating an emotion it can be. The next article will talk more about dealing with jealousy and how one can actually get control of it.

In the next few minutes you will learn what and how a woman feels when she is stuck in this very real and controlling jealous emotion.

It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A very big part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in identifying your enemy. In this situation the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be obvious to its victim. You will hear more about that in a bit.

Through research and in speaking with many women every day through the womensselfesteem.com, jealousy seems to be a very big issue that has them in such a downward spiral that they cannot find a way to get hold of it.

One of the main causes for this negative emotion, "jealousy" stems from a time in a persons life when an emotional wound is created, which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of inner securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman's self-esteem, which will in turn result in feelings of low self-worth, lack of a self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused from several types of abuse or trauma such as, physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood. If a child is sexually abused, then that child's security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grows up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in an adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost," God" like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling, again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at an early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each and every one of these abuses that you have just have just heard about are definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds.

These wounds will send a person into a prison, a prison of fear and weakness that they will carry throughout their lives if they do not learn to identify them and deal with them and strengthen their inner self. So many women search for answers to solve this scrambled up problem that they can feel inside of themselves, always coming up with a 0. They tend to look outside of themselves and that is the mistake that they are making. So many jealousy issues come from within.

The human brain is set up of two minds, which allows two ways of thinking, one being positive and one being negative. Unfortunately if a person is somehow mistreated or loses a trust as you have heard about earlier through my thoughts, at any time in their lives, it tends to weaken their ability to maintain a balance between the two. This is when they will fall prey to certain triggers that will ignite the fuse that leads to jealousy. You may be wondering what triggers are, they can be anything from a memory of your past, a smell, a persons laughter, a picture, another women, a feeling of being left alone, or even a look from a partner. There are many different types of triggers that will set off negative emotions. In this series of articles you will learn about relationship triggers and how they set off your jealous emotions.

Negative relationship triggers are definite causes, which happen when a relationship fails due to mistrust issues caused by infidelities or pornography addictions by a present or past partner, and are left unresolved, which unfortunately will follow them into every relationship, if she does not stop and take hold of her issues.

Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy.

The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy's enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here.

This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what's yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another's thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an," attachment prison" or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat.

Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependent thinker, dependent on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison.

Jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make.

Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you.

Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let's say, you're walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy.

This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it's worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone.

When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts.

I truly believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you're allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what's outside of that captive space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction.

What captivity and jealousy have in common is that once you allow your mind to be controlled or captivated by the overpowering emotion: jealousy, your mind will react as it would in a captive situation. Both jealousy and captivity hold your mind and reshape it to conform to its negative demands. A person in captivity eventually starts to depend on the person that's holding them captive. You start to depend on the feelings that you're getting from being captive by your jealous emotion. Jealousy becomes you, and you become jealousy. Together the duo team that you have allowed to control your thoughts will now destroy anything that is real. You will now live together in an unreal negative world of deception.

You will live and breathe the feelings of fear, worry and deception. You will not rest one single minute. Your mind will constantly be filled with disorder and accusations and," what ifs". At this point your ability to trust and feel secure with your partner will no longer be available to your mind, to your negative mind that is; the negative mind that you have allowed to take place of your once positive mind. Your innate desire to protect you and your reason for being are now at risk in your mind. You need to control everything and everything about your partner, right down to his every move. You need to take ownership in order to feel safe. With this control, then and only then can you feel safe from jealousy? Again the," attachment prison" takes over. This prison created by jealousy to keep you in its power and control. You're first breathing thoughts are livelihood and your future are based on attachment and acceptance. To lose that would be like dying a very slow death. Under the control of jealousy and its attachment prison you will fight to survive at any cost. You will be on guard even in your sleep, to notice even the simplest sign of abandonment or loss. Hence, the sleepless nights, haunted by the enemy: jealousy, captivated by the attachment prison again.

This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose.

I have brought this part of the jealousy series to you because of how important it is to identify with the truth of jealousy. It is as real as you are sitting there listening to this. There is a way out and a way to free your mind of this prison of negative thoughts. Through my next article on "The Truth of Jealousy", you will learn steps and strategies that will help to strengthen your mind so that you may win the battle of negative thinking.

dorothyl@womensselfesteem.com

Four Agreements

What About The End The End Of The World

Judging Your Childrens Partners
Genie Of Your Mind

Stunning Motivational Makeover

There is a common saying which says - we become what we think. Can we give a thorough makeover to what we think? Can we transform our negative thoughts to positive ones? Can we sharpen our mental imagery and transform our self-esteem so that it can positively create a mental strength? These days we put a great deal of emphasis on the way we look. Everybody is talking about external makeovers. The television, magazines, radios are all talking about a makeover, a new look that can totally transform your lifestyle. We see individuals receiving makeovers in all types of television shows ranging from talk shows to fashion shows. It is as if a snake is shedding its skin for a new one. The transformation is considered to be drastic. But have you not ever wondered that such transformation is merely an eye-wash that can to a certain extent improve the materiality of our life, but not our inner being? We should not merely focus our attention on looking our best, but rather more importantly focus on feeling well.

It would be interesting if we give our inner being, our soul, our personality a motivational makeover so that it can transform our life permanently for the better. We can start effecting this internal change by using the motivational wallpapers as background to our home and workplace computers. So even while you are busy with our work our senses would be immediately heightened. We need not busy ourselves in motivational readings or motivational exercises. We can have the wallpapers in the background and we will feel energized. These jewels of photography with their words of wisdom can renovate our attitude and outlook to life. They would excite in us new thought processes and new ways of thinking.

Motivational wallpapers contain quotes within a serene and soothing background so as to immediately incite us to a positive action. The background imagery moulds our thought processes, boosts our self-perception and opens up endless vistas of self-exploration. It results in positive energy which gets reflected in our body language, verbal expressions, and our look and in our personality.

These motivational wallpapers are tremendously appealing. It seems always to interact with us in a silence. The nature photographs soothe our senses so that we have tranquil mind and then we can easily reflect on the words of wisdom depicted on them. We can ponder over the thought and how it can positively affect our life. We do not relax in our lethargic complacency; instead we are aroused to positive action. In the modern society we have become so excessively materialistic that we spend a lot of money on make-ups and clothes to have a new look. Instead, if we could just change our thought process, motivate our soul and our psyche we will be able to make our life more enjoyable. The makeover of our outward selves for which we are thus striving would automatically get transformed with a change in our inner being. Thus by using these motivational wallpapers we will be able to bring permanent and lasting changes to our life.

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http://appearingeverywhere.blogspot.com/

Frederick Snelling is an author, multimedia designer and positive thinking founder of this inspirational website with motivational quotes, positive affirmations, positive energy articles and much more.

Laotzu

Prayer In My Earlier Life and Its Effects

Gregs Videos
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Important Goal Setting Steps to Achieve Anything

First I'd like to ask, are you a goal setter? If yes, why are you setting goals in the first place? The answer should be to attain an admirable and deserving objective. There are many advantages in defining your objectives. First, like a movie, you choose to direct your own life. You get to pick the destination of your own choice, and not having others to dictate the destination for you. You simply want to get from point a to point b. and you want to be there at the shortest time possible. But sometimes for most dreamers and aspirers, we discover along the way that some of our goals might fail to materialize into reality.

So here are guidelines for effective goal setting steps.

#1 Important Goal Setting Step-Think about it. Try to think what you really want in your life. And I mean something which you presently don't have in your life. You cannot act on something without actually thinking about what you really want, right? At this phase, most people think about what we desire and welcome in our lives. Those who dream could begin to make more weighty decisions focusing on the purpose.

#2 Important Goal Setting Step- Decide on it. The most important in defining that target is to look at that want, that desire and ask yourself, do you really want to reach this aim? Will you really want that objective belong to your world? And if that target might take several years to accomplish, are you willing to make sacrifices? Oftentimes, we travel into directions without even giving it much thought.

#3 Important Goal Setting Step- Set that goal. Actually setting that life-defining purpose is another essential step in achieving those dreams. Those who set goals sometimes get stuck with how to achieve those objectives. By identifying those objectives, you have already decided, you've begun an all-new journey in your life. By setting, deciding, planning and actually giving deeper thought to your desired end results, you are surely getting there by formulating it with a plan of action.

#4 Important Goal Setting Step- Act on it. The penultimate step for this goal setting activity is to finally act on it. Action must be done for your vision, your dreams and your fantasy to transform into reality. For a dream will remain forever a dream without taking steps to act on it. Although it is going to take a lot of your time, action is still worth all that dreaming and aspiring you initially thought of. The objectives you want in your life is equally proportionate to the effort you need to exert. The bigger and higher your goals, the greater the effort and action needed in your part.

#5 Important Goal Setting Step- Persist and be consistent. Targeting those lofty ideals is useless without action. And without persistence, we would be easily swayed away from our goals. We may be good beginners, but can be bad finishers. It is frustrating not finishing what you started in the first place.

The author of this article Amy Twain is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website http://www.innerzine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.

Oprah Winfrey

Book Review - The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide

The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World

By Ted Zeff, Ph. D.

Copyright 2004 Published by New Harbinger Publications

Get ready for many suggestions and alternatives to life as usual when you read this book! Liberally sprinkled with real-life examples, you get to see how other HSPs like you have adjusted factors in their lives to suit them.

So many suggestions makes this a valuable book and somewhat overwhelming at the same time. Even with the author's own words encouraging you to take it slow and adopt a few things at a time, it holds the possibility of stopping a HSP in their tracks. You might want to read this one slowly, working on chapters with their suggestions one at a time.

What's very valuable about Zeff's perspective is his no-nonsense look at what really has to happen to be a happy HSP. He deals directly with the inner journey that is so important to reshaping life. He asks you to get clear on your goals, whether living the way you are now is either helping or harming you, how the impact of low self-esteem and not loving yourself affects you and how to constructively look at your beliefs to change your habits. He even gives a healthy six-month time frame to cement a new habit -- the longest I've ever heard quoted.

Valuable topics include:

• Coping with time pressure
• Calming your senses
• Finding agreeable foods
• Sensible exercise (at about 50% of your capacity, which is great for those of us who hate sweating)
• Getting external support while you are changing habits
• Thinking ahead to prepare in advance
• Learning to be more in control and other attitude adjustments
• The importance of routine and pacing your activity
• Nurturing your sensitive soul
• Finding health practitioners and healers

While highly instructive, Zeff's writing 'can be somewhat annoying. He is very repetitive in his points. For example, food choices, television and yoga seem to come up in every chapter. Additionally, his choice of words can appear somewhat judgmental in how he labels society and cultural norms. Still, I find some assurance in this as I know it was written by someone who is highly sensitive.

You may have heard or read some of this advice before cracking the cover of this volume. It is still good reading because perhaps for the first time, you are getting from someone who shares your sensitivity. That slight twist of perspective shows you how to take what the rest of the world does and modify it for your own peace of mind and body. That's a valuable skill to hone!

Then, there are areas included here that you might never have considered as alternatives otherwise, like Ayurveda. Exploring these choices can lead you in new directions and benefit you at the same time.

With each chapter ending with lists that recap the valuable points, you can easily morph this book into a refresher guide that keeps you in tune with your own nature. Read a list each day and you will keep valuable choices on the top of your mind. How much easier could it be to tune up your life?

Sarah Dolliver is the Founder of InnerVantage, the online community for inner-directed individuals (those who focus inward to restore). Her vision is to remove the stigma from being introverted or highly sensitive (HSP) to allow these individuals to lead rewarding lives that bring distinct contributions to the world. She educates, inspires and empowers them to use their gifts, talents and strengths as the basis from which they approach life.

Subscribe to the Awakening Your InnerVantage newsletter or get other free resources at http://www.InnerVantage.com

Sarah holds a Bachelor of Science in Management (Bentley College, Waltham, MA) and is a graduate of Coach U and The Graduate School of Coaching from CoachVille.

Life is a Short Rant

Life is short, don't sell your soul, life, and time for money for too long of a period. Don't let little things get in your way of what you really want to do. Stop making excuses about why you can't do something. If you really want something, change it from a "should" and make it a "must".

Life is to be experience and enjoyed. Life is not meant to be spent doing something you don't want to do your whole life. Plan out your life so that you can soon do what you want, and work because you want to not because you have to, that is, if you even decide to work. Everyone is looking for one thing in life: Happiness. So why is it that most people want to cling to things that make them unhappy? The answer is FEAR. Fear of losing that sense of security, which for most of us, is a false sense of security.

Quit doing what the average person does or you will end up living a life that average people live. Be a kid again and dream big. Don't let the limitations of your income bring your dreams down. Plan your life in a way that will let you experience those dreams. By doing so you will inspire those around you. Don't get caught up in making a living instead of designing your life. Don't be one of those people who wake up one day when they're old and say to themselves "what happened to my life?" Letting the little things in life get in the way of big things in life is foolish.

You're probably thinking one of three things at this point (that is if you've read this far). One is "blah blah blah, easy for this guy to say, he doesn't know me, he doesn't know how complicated and hard my life is". Two: "Eh, I'm cool where I am right now, I might not being living my dreams, but I'm comfortable". Three: "I understand where he's getting at, but even if I wanted to live out my dreams, I wouldn't know where to start".

1. Whatever you're facing or going through, there are millions of people who have it worse than you. Stop complaining about circumstances. Circumstances happen to everyone, it's what you do about it that matters. If you keep complaining, you will only end up living a life worth complaining about.

2. Being in the middle is probably the worse place to be. You're not living the life you want to live but your life is not bad enough for you to do anything about it. This is where most dreams are destroyed and lives are ruined. We get comfortable. We start rationalizing "it's not that bad, I have it better than a lot of the people I know". If you want to be average, keep rationalizing. If you want to live your dreams, be honest with yourself. Don't be like the dog that whines because he's lying on a nail but doesn't do anything about it because it doesn't hurt enough. Jump on that damn nail as hard as you can so that it will wake you up and get you moving towards the life you really want to live.

3. Everything starts with you. For things to change, you must change. As long as you have strong enough reasons why you MUST live the life you dream of, the "how-to" will eventually come to you. That determination and undeniable belief that you WILL live your dreams will soon attract people into your life who can help you get to where you want to be. Start surrounding yourself with people who will encourage you and who can see you for who you can become instead of just who you are today. Negative people are energy drainers, dream stealers, life destroyers and you should get as far away from them as possible. Your life will never far exceed the expectations from your peer group. Want to know how your life will turn out, look at your friends. If you don't like what you see, get new friends.

In closing, life really is short. Tomorrow was never promised. No one ever said you will still be alive 5 years from now, or even 3 months from now. The more time you spend on doing things you don't like, the less time you will have doing the things you enjoy. What ever it is you want to do in life, start today, don't delay, make a plan and start right now!

Kevin Ngo is the creator of motivational-well-being.com - a motivational resource website that provides free tools to help people stay motivated long enough to create successful habits in order to obtain their goals. Ready to get back on track? You're one click away.

http://www.motivational-well-being.com