Communication Steps to Keep Your Personal Power

These 4 steps, if practiced to the point of being second-nature, will bring you to a whole new level of effectiveness in all your interpersonal relationships.

This article (Part 2) provides some practical application, but first, a review from Part 1 of "Personal Power: 4 Communication Steps to Get It and Keep It":

INFORM: In a neutral tone of voice, simply reflect back to the person what they are doing. "Do you realize that you are late?" "Do you realize that you are shouting?"

REQUEST: You make a simple, calm request for them to stop the behavior. "I ask that you be on time." "I request that you stop shouting."

INSIST: You insist that the person stop. (It would be unusual to get to this level. Most people respond to either step one or two.)

LEAVE: If the person still has not responded to your reasonable statements and requests, you may have to leave the room, or perhaps leave the relationship.

The really great thing about this communication model is that when you do step one Inform, you are giving the other person a graceful exit. Most people are well-meaning, and do not want to hurt or offend, and simply may not realize that1056 their behavior or statements have the effect they have. So, by you saying in a neutral Do you realize that (whatever), they have the opportunity to apologize, learn your boundary without being threatened, and move on to a healthy conversation and relationship.

REAL LIFE APPLICATION:
I once I saw these steps executed expertly by a friend and colleague of mine at work. We had a boss who was extremely disrespectful, and out of control, and who would launch into personal attacks on a whim.

One day, my friend demonstrated all four of these steps with amazing calm. When the boss raised his voice and began to shout, she simply said

Do you realize that you are yelling?.

She repeated this a few times before moving on to step two.

I ask you to stop yelling at me.

He kept on. She responded with something like

I must insist that you stop yelling at me or I will have to leave the room.

He didnt stop, and she left. He was baffled! Did it change his behavior? Unfortunately, in this case it did not. But, my friend kept her sense of self, pride, and her power. Plus, she earned the respect of every single person who was in that meeting. I will never forget it.

POTENTIAL REAL LIFE SCENARIO:
How about the friend who is habitually late when you agree to meet for lunch. You can start by saying

Do you realize that you are 20 minutes late?

If they continue in this habit, say

I ask that you not be late when we are scheduled to meet.

If this is still not enough to promote a behavior change, then the next time,

I insist that you meet me on time, or I will leave the restaurant.

Next time theyre late - leave. The friend will arrive late, and be surprised that you have actually followed through, and were able to articulate each of these phases of the model with such calm, unemotional, clear, self-respecting aplomb.

Beware! Our natural tendency is to skip over steps 1 and 2 and go right for 3 and 4 and by that time, we are usually not able to keep the neutral tone of voice.

OK, time to practice.

List the people in your life who are crossing your boundaries and write down a simple sentence to inform them. For example, Julie, do you realize that you are usually several minutes late for our lunch meeting? Or Bob, do you realize that you interrupt me frequently when I am speaking?

Dont make any requests at this point. This is new territory for both you and those in your life. You have allowed them to cross your boundary for a long time, so give them a few chances to get it.

Practice, practice, practice saying them in a neutral tone. As you get comfortable with these 4 steps, you will become the queen (or king!) of good communication and boundary-setting. You'll earn the respect of others, self-respect, and healthier relationships than ever before!

Visit LifeHouse Coaching and sign up to receive more f*r*e*e* weekly tips in "Blueprints for a Dream Life." Edi Sowers works with professional women who face the challenge of balancing personal and professional priorities.

Are You Ready To Be More Confident

Do you realize that lack of confidence in yourself limits every aspect of your life? You have held yourself back in your job, in your relationships and even kept your inner power stamped down. Sometimes it really is a simple matter of changing how you see yourself. Negative thoughts about yourself come from a lifetime of practice in some cases. Everyone has painful experiences that come along with negative reinforcement. It is possible to create a more positive image of yourself and be more confident in every part of your life.

Here are some simple ways to start allowing more positive energy into your life.

1) Simply seeing yourself as an unfinished work is a good place to start. If you were done growing, there would be no more need to learn. It is a fact of life that there is always someone who is more intelligent, more courageous, and better in some manner. If you are trying to 16C1measure up to the impossible, it is time to readjust your thinking. Set an affirmation that you will only get better every day. You may be unfinished in many ways, but every part of you is worthy of respect, especially from you.

2) Act the way you want things to be even if they are not yet real. This is the old "fake it til you make it" method. This really does work if you give it a little time and put the energy into it. Pretending something is true affects the way your mind works. This is not a long term solution, but it can give you a kick start in building your confidence. The next time you have to attend one of those boring company lunches, act as if you are the most self-confident person there. Think about how a person who really is ultra confident would act in that situation. Attitude has a lot to do with feeling confident.

3) Make a list of all of your good qualities. You have more than you realize or are willing to acknowledge. Acting confident is a good start but you need to get at the root of why you have a negative image of yourself so you can start building a lasting change in your attitude. Take stock of the good things you have done in your life and what you have accomplished. The list will be longer than you think right now. Start talking nicer to yourself and appreciate your skills and talents. You may not be perfect (who is?) but you are not as bad as you think.

These are things that will continue for your whole life. No one ever gets finished with learning and growing. Learn to appreciate the you that is new every day.

Robin Skeen
http://www.robinskeen.com

Robin lives in the lovely state of Ohio, USA. She is a freelance writer and her website contains her reflections on inspired personal growth - transforming body, mind and spirit so you can live your best life NOW! To find out more, visit today at http://www.robinskeen.com and check back on a regular basis for free reports and eBooks.

Personal and Professional Development

When people ask me about my business, I tell them Im in the learning business that we help organizations, teams and individuals reach their potential through learning. This is a fine statement and it does describe the breadth of what we do, but it often leads to the follow-up question like . . . Do you do personal development stuff or just business skills training?

My answer is yes.

Because I dont believe there is a significant difference between personal development and professional development.

Why do I say that?

The Reasons Why

Since my opinion might differ from yours, or perhaps youve never thought about it this, it makes sense to explain myself. There are at least five major reasons why I think personal and professional development are the same thing.

Learning is Learning. We were granted an amazing potential for learning at birth. Most of us havent used very much of that potential. Its like we are mowing our lawn with a jet engine. Sure the jet engine has enough horsepower to turn the blade, but it has virtually unlimited potential that isnt being used. When we are learning we are increasing our 5A8capacity to learn more because we are flexing and exercising our learning muscles. In other words whenever we are learning we are increasing our capacity to learn even more.

All Experience Counts. One of the powerful ways that we learn is by connecting new learning to what we already know. As we continue to build our knowledge and experiences, it allows us to make new connections faster. In other words, the more we learn, the more successful we will be at learning new things and in most situations; more quickly with deeper understanding.

Were a Whole Package. It isnt like we go to work and dont use anything we know from our personal life to be more effective professionally. And while we may not need to know how to repair rotating drum equipment at home those skills might help you diagnose the problem with your washing machine. And even though you dont have to back up the system database at home, you might be able to deal with your home PC better because of what you learned at work. And while you hope youll never need to follow the new Customer Service procedure at home, that procedure might teach you something a following a process, or being more understanding when you are the Customer.

The bottom line is that we are complete humans, and as such we take our entire work knowledge home, and bring all of our personal knowledge and experience to work. So any form5B4 of growth or development will benefit you both personally and professionally.

The Most Important Skills are Always the Most Important. Where does being a better listener help you at home or at work? Both, of course. When you learn how to coach more effectively at work does it make you a better parent? It sure can!

We could make a long list of these valuable skills, from communication to dealing with conflict, to learning how to learn, to giving better feedback to being more creative you get the idea (and have probably thought of five other examples yourself by now). There are many skills that we might learn as self improvement that will help us at work, and vice versa. So why label it one or the other?

Serendipity Rules. Because our learning grows based on connections, you never know when something you learned on the Discovery Channel might give you an aha at work, or that the insight shared by the seminar leader at work helps you solve a vexing problem at home. Again, all development, all learning, all growth helps us in all parts of our lives.

But Wait

Does all of this mean that as I become a better knitter or bowler, Ill be more productive and successful at work? Yes, for the reasons I described above (and some others too).

That doesnt mean that your organization should send everyone to knitting class or bowling lessons, but it does mean that t53Chere is substantial merit in supporting any form of learning regardless of the content.

In the end, my goal is to help you view all skills more broadly in their application instead of classifying some things as personal development and therefore they dont matter at work.

Learning is learning. Personal development is professional development.

When you stop worrying about the distinctions, but rather think about the applications, you serve yourself and others much better.

Kevin Eikenberry is a leadership expert and the Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company. To receive a free Special Report on leadership that includes resources, ideas, and advice go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/leadership.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER.

How To Help People Think Better - The Nitty Gritty of Listening

You know how to listen. You do it every day. In fact, you spend a good portion of the time you're interacting with others in listening. You're good at it.

And, we find that leaders who are remarkable listeners are always looking to expand their listening skills. So let's really make a study of listening today; let's take a look at the nitty gritty.

Helping people to think more deeply is the highest purpose, the best reason, for a leader to listen more deeply. When people think more deeply, when they make their own connections, they get a jolt of energy, and they're inspired to action. David Rock in his book Quiet Leadership (Appeared, 2006) describes the neuroscience of the process of coming to one's own insight. Then he says,

When people make deep, new connections in their own mind, there is a tangible release of energy, a discernable "aha" moment that fills us with a desire to take action. On a physical level, this aha moment releases chemicals in the body to prime it for movement. The energy created by insight is an important energy source to be harnessed. In the workplace there are many drains on our energy, including restrictions, policies, politics, long hours, and hundreds of emails every day. We should be harnessing every possible energy source that might inspire better performance. Letting people come up with their own ideas is a deep well of motivation to tap. (pp.39-40)

We have found that people get excited, become more conscious, and solve their own problems when their leaders and colleagues employ the skill of listening for. When you are listening for my potential, my strengths, or my skills mastery, I can sense that and I respond to it. When you're listening for what's important to me, for my goals, for what I value, for what I believe is possible or not possible, you help me become more conscious of these myself. When you're listening for how I feel about the subject I'm discussing - whether my energy is high or low, whether I'm excited or worried - I know I am truly heard. When you're listening for the real issue, maybe the question behind my question, then you help me to see so much more. When you're listening for what I'm not saying but is clearly present, then you give me permission to bring it out.

So how do you do it, this listening deeply and listening for? Here are some of the nitty gritty techniques:

Say less than you think you need to. Give lots of time for the person to think or to frame what they're saying. Resist the urge to jump in.

Summarize, paraphrase, and mirror back what you're hearing to be sure you understand clearly and to give the person a chance to hear what he or she is thinking.

As you reflect what you're hearing, use their language. It will have more of an impact. As you reflect, use language that indicates "I heard" rather than "You said."

Notice the difference between the person's words, tone of voice, and body language.

Practice setting aside your own judgments of what you're hearing.

And finally, just practice hearing some of what we've already mentioned: potential, goals, values, strengths, mastery, possibility, point of view, feelings, what's underneath.

Now let's look at an example. Your employee, Bob, comes to you and says, "Sandy is alienating everyone around her." For many, the automatic response is to look for a solution. The leader who is listening for starts by asking for more information and listening for what's important to the speaker.

As you listen, you reflect what you're hearing, giving Bob the chance to become more aware of the elements of the situation and what's really going on. You use language that tells Bob what you've heard. You listen for possibility, for Bob's strengths and for Sandy's. You listen for how Bob is thinking about the situation and what he may not be saying about it. And you assume Bob's competence in being able to solve his problem.

As you reflect what Bob is saying, he begins to see possibility, too. Now may be a good time to ask Bob what he'd like to see and how he'd like to move forward. You continue to see him as competent and creative. In this collaborative conversation, Bob feels heard, and he taps into his own resourcefulness. Your deep listening allows Bob to harness his own energy and to solve his own problem, to become a leader in this situation.

We have all experienced the power of being truly heard. It is one of the highest gifts we receive in this life. In the business world, it encourages deeper thinking, energized action, and greater connection to the work at hand. And it invokes the leader in everyone.

Jennifer Sellers is the Chief Energy Officer of Inspired Mastery, a leadership development company that helps people see inside their own blind spots to become powerful communicators, powerful leaders, and powerful in their lives. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation. Her background includes teen and adult education, project management under contract to NASA, a year as a ski bum in Telluride, Colorado , and 5 years as a coach, facilitator, and speaker. She has practiced Zen meditation for almost 20 years and is passionate about tapping the highest potential in each of us. http://www.inspiredmastery.com

Reach The Success You Truly Desire

Ever have those days where no matter what you try life seems to be a series of one step forward and two steps back?

Well today is the very best day to take charge of your life and develop strategies to achieve personal success. You will need to work hard and make a commitment to your personal success plan, but once you break the inertia you will find that small achievements will help you gain momentum, and each step forward will attract more success.

1. Take a look at the one and only person responsible for your success- YOU. To be successful you must take complete responsibility for your actions. You can't pin your success or your shortcomings on anyone else.

2. Develop and nurture a successful self- Start by smiling more, look to the positive side in everything. Don't list all the reasons why something is hard and you can't do it, find the reasons even if it is only one to start with of why you can do something. You must develop a successful persona to become a successful person.

3. Make the decision today- Decide today that you will be successful. Praise yourself for past accomplishments, take stock of your strong qualities and work to nurture and improve those that are underdeveloped. You have a purpose and a mission you must sweep aside the negative clutter and defi5B4ne this purpose and begin today to fulfill yourself.

4. Always begin with the positive- every morning you wake up, every time you speak with other people. Always stick with the positive. Associate with positive people. People who have also made the commitment to success. Avoid negative people at all costs. They will not only drag you down. Their negative actions and thoughts, their pessimism, whining, and complaining is a toxin and you need to steer clear of it.

5. Visualize and write down how you desire to live successfully- think of the things that are meaningful to you. Things that give you pleasure, comfort, and fulfillment. Then being as specific as possible write down how you want to live. Don't listen to any of the negative, just concentrate. Write down every detail, where you live, what your house is like down to the decor. What you and your friends are passionate about, what kinds of community projects do you donate your time and money to. After writing everything down copy the most vivid and important things into a new journal. One you have chosen just for this. Make the journal come to life with drawings, photographs, magazine clippings, articles, and poetry. Images and words that will help your vision of a successful life crystallize in your mind. Look through this journal several times a week. Every day visualizing living that life. Make all of your actions in accordance with that successful life.

6. Defin4Fe what success means to you- Concentrate on what you are best at and what bring588s you satisfaction and fulfillment. Using your vision of how you want to live, write down and then read out loud what success means to you. Otherwise you won t know when you have achieved it.

7. Study and make the commitment- Read books and magazines about people who are successful in your eyes, and ways to become more successful. Develop a daily methodical systematic approach to reaching your goals and take one step towards your success.

Keep your mind in the moment don't let it wonder to negative discourse. Focus your attention on your vision of success. With a resolute attitude you are well on your way.

About The Author

BZ Riger-Hull. www.in-spiros.com For valuable free articles, assessments, & practical success tools mailto:A1@smartautoresponder.com Certified as a Success Coach, Four Agreements Facilitator, & Tele-Course leader We help you communicate powerfully, reduce stress, Strategically Attract success, & increase your financial well-being.

bz@in-spiros.com

How Easy Is It To Stop Foreclosure On Your Own?

Since the meltdown in the real estate markets and the increasing foreclosure rates, several new websites have popped up offering free foreclosure help and marketing self-help packages and programs. Many of them do not describe much of the contents of their products, but similar ones have been around for years. They almost always consist of some sort of self-help package, with forms and instructions designed go guide homeowners along the path of avoiding foreclosure in several different methods.

For homeowners who want to try to stop foreclosure on their own, they can do a lot worse than buying a product that will guide them through some of the steps in the legal process. Several of these products also offer worksheets to help homeowners evaluate what options they may qualify for, as well as form letters that can be customized for a variety of purposes. These might include working with the mortgage company, explaining the foreclosure when applying for a new loan, or requesting the sheriff sale be postponed for a period of time.

Homeowners should not expect magic from any product or source of foreclosure help, though, unless they are willing to put in the hard work necessary to save their homes. Stopping foreclosure is not easy, it takes time, and the other parties in the process (banks, attorneys, courts, and so on) may not be entirely receptive. If the foreclosure victims pay for the self-help package, and then fail to follow the guides or instructions, there is a strong possibility they will lose the home, regardless of what products 5B4they have purchased. Unfortunately, when homeowners are unable to prevent foreclosure, they blame the product itself, rather than their efforts in putting it to its most effective uses.

Homeowners who are serious about saving their homes on their own could also probably find mostly similar documents that are used in the foreclosure help packages for free through various sources online, as well. Many websites now offer form letters, worksheets, and simple calculators to help foreclosure victims examine options that may be used to stop foreclosure. Of course, finding these tools online through many sources would extra take time to do the research, put together form letters and worksheets to match the situation, and would generally involve more work than just buying a kit, which has all of the information centrally located. But in either case, the homeowners will have to work with the information and their banks in order to make the most effective use of any program.

Many of these self-help packages are often relatively cheap, costing less than a few hundred dollars -- some even cost much less than $100, which causes some homeowners to suspect they will not be getting much for their money. But a low price does not necessarily mean the products are of low quality; instead, the relatively cheap price should indicate that working out the solutions to foreclosu58Fre will be entirely in the hands of the foreclosure victims, who will be solely responsible for putting in the work to save their homes. The owners do all of the work in negotiating with the bank or finding alternate sources of assistance, with minimal guidance from the providers of the information.

If they are expecting to have their hands held and for someone else to contact the mortgage company for them after paying for a self-help package, then they may be better off hiring a professional loss mitigation company or bankruptcy attorney. But if the homeowners really are willing to work on finding a solution on their own with the kit and some extra background information, then this solution can be very cost-effective in providing them with extra options to save the house.

The ForeclosureFish website has been created to provide homeowners in danger of losing their houses with relevant and important foreclosure help and advice. The site describes various methods that may be used to save a home, such as delaying a sheriff sale, avoiding eviction, how to qualify for a home after foreclosure, and more. Visit the site to read more articles about how foreclosure works and how the process may be avoided before it is too late: 25Bhttp://www.foreclosurefish.com/

3 Simple Keys to Eliminate Fear

Fear is your enemy no other way to describe it. Im not talking about that natural life preserving action along with a major boost of adrenalin that happens if a wild animal is coming at you. Im talking a2227bout the fears people live with day in and day out.

Fear is your enemy. Someone once described fear as, Sand in the machinery of life. Fear doesnt help you, it hinders you. Fear doesnt get you through an open door; it keeps you in the hallway. Fear never helps you put your best foot forward; it just keeps both of your feet in cement.

The psychology of today is, Learn to live with your fears, Embrace your fears, Its normal to have fears everybody does.

Its true; lots of people do have fears. And there are people who are trying to learn how to live with their fears, and embrace them.

But if its normal to have fears, then why would the Bible talk about being delivered from all your fears?

Think about it - if its normal to have fears, and you had no fears, then you would be abnormal, right? Well why would God want you to be abnormal?

He doesnt. He truly desires for you to be set free from all your fears.

There are many facets and aspects of fear. One of the big ones is having fear of what others think of you. People do things, say things, and even buy things because of the fear that they have of what others think.

Many times people join clubs or organizations because they are afraid that if they dont, others might think badly of them.

People say things and talk a certain way because they are afraid that they might not say the right thing in front of the right people.

People purchase items because of fear not measuring up to those around them. And on and on it goes.

You dont have to live with fear. Here are 3 simple keys to getting rid of fear.

First, start by realizing that God truly loves you and that His love for you is unconditional. The Bible teaches that nothing can separate you from His love. Nothing. His love for you does not change, ever!

Second, ask God to help you to get rid of all your fears. He has promised to deliver you from all your fears. That is His desire for you a life without fear.

Third, make decisions based on what is best for you, not how it may or may not appear to others. Youll never, ever be able to please everyone, so stop trying to. Youll never, ever be right in everybodys eyes, so stop trying to.

When you make a decision, ask yourself, Why am I making this decision? Is it based on fear? Make decisions based on what is right and best for your life, regardless of what others think.

You can live without fear.

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